Sandra Hubbard

Confession:  I love watching Forensic Files, a show about how DNA (mostly) is used to solve crimes. 

Why? Because DNA is the divine identifier unique to each individual.

We have another DNA. Our stories. While our stories may share similarities they aren’t identical. 

You and a friend may experience health issues, divorce, a breakup, job losses, grief, rejection, betrayal, etc. but experience different emotions and outcomes. 

And here’s my point. 

It’s easy when my life is calm to unintentionally limit my compassion for a friend in the middle of her chaos. 

When she’s fighting a battle I’ve survived I forget how I felt when I was the one fighting.

How quick are we to give cliche counsel to “get over it” “move on” or “have faith?”  We mean well. We want to help ease their pain. 

What if in those moments we share what we needed when it was us fighting to survive? 

For me, it wasn’t advice I needed. It was space. 

To share my emotions without interruption, judgment, impatience, criticism or condemnation.

Once my wound wasn’t so raw, then I could appreciate and apply the advice. 

But until then those well meanings words didn’t soothe. They stung. 

Solomon said “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken at the right time” Prov 25:11. 

Words spoken at the right time and shared  with empathy and compassion can be encouraging and healing. 

Her experience while similar to mine is not mine.

So her path to healing and the time it takes won’t be either. And that’s ok. 

What matters is my presence in her pain.  

How you show up for your friends is as important as showing up. 

If you have a friend in the process of healing from a traumatic experience simply be the friend you will want when it’s you in the battle.   

And if it’s you in the fight, find friends who know when to be silent and when to share with the sole purpose of seeing you through to victory.